Are You A Loner, Introvert, or Both? How to Tell the Difference
Your phone buzzes at 7p on a Saturday night. You look over, and it’s a buddy from the gym inviting you out to get drinks and watch the game. Despite the fact that you’re an adult wearing footy pajamas, and you have no other plans besides chilling on your couch alone, you text back: “Sorry bro, I can’t make it tonight. Next time!” Then you fire up Amazon Prime for an exciting night in, watching documentaries.
Are you a loner or an introvert?
People tend to use those terms interchangeably. It can be confusing as they share several common traits. I write a blog subtitled “Self Improvement For Loners”, and I have a hard time differentiating between the two!
The way that I remember is that many of the behaviors are exactly the same; however, the mentality and reasons behind the behaviors are different.
Like introverts, loners are almost always inwardly focused. They are not necessarily shy, they enjoy time alone, tend to stay away from people, and are deeply concerned with their inner worlds, another key introvert trait.
A loner’s key driver is that they prefer solitude and avoid spending time with other people.
Loners:
don’t enjoy the company of others
crave solitude
do their best thinking alone
have no desire to be the center of attention
So most loners are introverts, introverts are not necessarily loners. For example, the loner is defined as “avoiding the company of others” , while introverts can have close friendships with a small group of people. The classic introvert prefers to be alone at times, but they can and do appreciate the company of others. However, they can feel exhausted by too much socialization, and crave time alone to recharge. An introvert’s key driver is that are more concerned with their own inner world, and tend to shy away from too much socialization at one time.
Introverts
prefers to be alone, but likes people
needs alone time to recharge
may enjoy the company of others, but can’t handle too much at one time
overstimulated by outside activity
Another difference is that introverts can be so involved with their inner worlds that they feel overstimulated by outside activity, and tend to draw away from the outside world.
On the other hand, loners typically feel comfortable engaging in the outside world, albeit alone. Loners have a strong desire to do as they please. Things like going hiking, eating in restaurants, attending movies, or shopping are no problem for the typical loner. As perfectly written in the blog, A Lofty Existence, “A loner, when asked why they are usually alone, will proudly state they don’t want the company of others or don’t find others to be interesting.” They don’t feel overwhelmed by the outside world, they just want to engage in it on their own terms. It’s been said, “A loner is a leader that doesn’t want to be followed”.
Introverts aren’t necessarily proud of being alone all the time. They might not even need to be completely alone all the time, they just can’t handle long periods of interaction with others.
Why Do People Become Loners?
People may choose to become loners by choice, because they are deep thinkers and prefer the time alone, or because they have been previously hurt in relationships with others, and learned to avoid intimacy. Others are forced into being alone because they are ostracized by society. They have poor social skills, annoying mannerisms, weird interests, and are generally too abhorrent for others to tolerate. They are never invited to join in with parties, or social events, and end up spending a lot of time alone. In the best case scenario, they accept their reality over time and learn to enjoy solitude. If they can’t find peace with their situation, these forced loners may sink into isolation and depression.
What makes someone an introvert?
Are introverts born, or made? Researchers have tested different theories about whether introversion is encoded into our DNA, or if it’s a learned behavior. A study conducted at the University of Amsterdam observed self-identified introverts and extroverts during a gambling game. They found that the self identified extroverts had a higher dopamine production in their brains in response. The researchers concluded that extroverts are more excited by novelty and excitement than introverts are, which would explain why introverts are more likely to enjoy evenings in than their extroverted brethren.